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Drug tests are a pain in the ass! Yes, the world is coming around to the idea of decriminalization, but obviously not fast enough. There are still plenty of companies that will dump you at the slightest hint of a drug habit – even if it’s for medical purposes. As an upstanding citizen, you shouldn’t have to get kicked out of work if your personal life doesn’t align with your boss’s expectations.
So, get your pencils ready folks, because we’re laying down a thorough, comprehensive guide to cheating a marijuana drug test in all it’s forms.
Marijuana and THC
So what are all these tests searching for anyway? Well, it starts and ends with THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol. It is the primary psychoactive compound found in marijuana. Basically, when this stuff goes from your blood to your brain, it attaches to the receptors up there and causes the familiar effects of euphoria, relaxation, hunger, dry mouth, and the like. It’s the thing that makes you high, in other words.
This compound is then absorbed by the body, and gets stored. THC is fat-soluble, meaning the compound eventually settles in the fat cells inside you. Ask anybody struggling with weight loss, and you’ll know how difficult it is to burn off fat. This means that THC can be detected for a decent amount of time after use. If you’re a heavy user, this means you can be marked positive months later, even if you stop smoking up.
THC enters the body either via inhalation (smoking, either through a joint, a pipe, or bong), or via ingestion (edibles or drinks with THC in them). Inhalation results in a more immediate high, since the THC can hit the bloodstream quickly after getting into the lungs. Edibles take some time to take effect because they need to be digested first before getting into the bloodstream.
THC’s Presence in the Body
There are plenty of factors that can affect just how long THC will stay in your body. It’s important to be honest with yourself and realistic about your goals. Not every method will work for everyone. Which passing method you need to take is dependent on how often you indulge yourself, what kind of test you’re expecting to take, and how much preparation time you have.
Marijuana can have variable levels of THC in them. Learn how strong your stuff is, and it would be good to find out if your stash is mixed in with other substances as well. This can affect how THC is absorbed, and how much THC your body will process. THC also has a half-life of about seven days. This means that half the metabolites will decay after a week, then half of those after another week, etc. Getting down to an undetectable level will take maybe three to four weeks.
Weed doesn’t affect you in isolation either! Your lifestyle is a big factor in how much of the THC remains in your body, how long it stays there, and how quickly it gets processed. Slim people who stay active will have lower levels of THC in them, and will process it quicker as well. Users who are overweight and inert will find that THC builds up for them in higher amounts – they’ll need to go the distance with detox programs as well.
As you can imagine, there are plenty of ways for testers to detect levels of THC in your body. Each method has its own pros and cons, and each will have its own methods to get past them. Here are the most popular methods of drug testing, how they work, and what you should expect.
The “gold” standard of drug tests. Inexpensive, easy to collect, and immediate results. There’s a reason they’ve remained the favorite method of drug testing for many institutions. Urine tests don’t detect THC directly, but one of its byproducts created when it has been processed: THC-COOH. The test is pretty simple: you pee in a cup, and that pee is analyzed. Sometimes, test strips can be used for immediate results, or they can be fully analyzed in a laboratory.
An important factor to consider with urine tests is their detection window, which can be very wide. A first time user may be detectable within the next five to eight days. An occasional user may be vulnerable for 11 to 18 days after smoking. A regular user will be detectable for up to 48 days later. If you’re a heavy user, you may test positive up to three months after your last use!
This test is administered via a cotton swab of the inside of your mouth, usually around the gum line. The sample is then analyzed for THC. Speed is key, and a saliva test certainly takes the cake in terms of that metric. They’re cheap and easy to administer, and they don’t require any handling of bodily fluids. They’re so easy to do, they can give you a saliva test right at your desk! Hard to fake a cotton swab in your mouth too. Luckily, there are laws in certain areas prohibiting onsite marijuana testing, so you may get the advantage of advance notice.
However, they’ve got some flaws, particularly in terms of detection window. While the other tests on this list can detect THC for weeks or even months after use, a saliva test may be ineffective after just a few days. Most often, it is only effective for about 24 to 72 hours. It may catch you if you’re a regular user, but you’ll probably get off fine if you just know about it in advance.
Hair Follicle Test
This test consists of a sample of your hair being cut off, usually just about 1.5 inches, which is then analyzed in a lab. The hair test is unrivaled in terms of its detection window. You can test positive for up to three months after your last joint. They’re basically impossible to fake as well, since the tester will personally collect the sample.
That long detection window is because of THC build-up in your hair. As blood feeds the hair follicle, THC metabolites can get embedded in your hair. That’s why your hair can be a dead giveaway if you’re using marijuana.
Hair tests aren’t perfect. They’re more expensive than the earlier methods, they test for fewer kinds of drugs, and it doesn’t really catch immediate or occasional use. They can also give up false positives if you’re around someone who smokes a lot in your vicinity. It actually makes a decent excuse if you end up getting a call from management.
There’s no chance that you’d fool a blood test, but it has its catches. While it is the most accurate test, it is also the most prohibitively expensive. Their turnaround time is longer, and they have a short detection window of just 6 to 24 hours. If you’re a frequent user, you may test positive within a one-week window. Chances are your place of employ won’t use blood tests.
How to Pass a Marijuana Test
As we mentioned earlier, passing a drug test will depend on a couple of factors including what kind of test you’re taking, your lifestyle, and what method you use to pass. While you might think that getting past a drug test strictly involves doing something sketchy like passing along fake samples, it can actually be as simple as just getting clean. We’ll take you on a little walk through the different ways you can get past that drug test!
Passing a drug test is really easy when there isn’t any THC in your system. If you’ve gotten this far into the article and you’ve never smoked weed in your life, I’ve got some good news for you. You’ll probably be fine. But if you do take a couple hits every now and then (or a lot) then you might want to consider a detox routine. The basic idea is that you want to help your body do its thing and flush out the THC present in your body.
This method is your best bet for getting as clean as possible. Though no matter what way you detox, it’s best to keep some things in mind. Detoxing will help a lot for urine tests, but probably won’t do much for a hair test. I mean, chances are you’ll be doing a urine test, but get smart and figure out what kind of test your employer is running so you can stay ahead of the curve. All right, let’s see how you can get that THC out of you.
Your body naturally detoxifies all the time. Given enough time, all the THC in your body will leave naturally, provided you don’t introduce any more. Doing a natural detox then is just optimizing your lifestyle to process out the THC as fast as it possibly can. You’ll need to do a variety of things that keep things passing in and out of your body with regularity. If you’ve got about a month before your test, you can go the natural way.
First thing’s first, stop using weed. Obviously nothing will change if you keep smoking up. After that, you’ll want to stay hydrated. Drink water regularly, and a lot of it. Don’t have too much coffee, alcohol, or soda; that will slow down the detox process. Alongside your water drinking, you should eat a diet with plenty of fiber in it. Fiber acts like a cleaning agent through your intestinal system, taking things with it as it passes by.
Get your vitamins and electrolytes in. Eat good quality food and stay away from fast food and junk food. That stuff lowers your metabolism which is the opposite of what we want. Finally, you should exercise. A lot. Toxins get excreted via sweat as well, so if you’re sweating a lot, THC goes away too. Plus, burning fat releases stored THC, letting it get excreted instead of hanging around.
Doing all of these things consistently will do wonders for your chances. You’ll be upping your metabolism and you’ll process fat cells at an increased rate. As an added bonus, all the good eating and exercise should get you fitter than you’ve been in a while. Congratulations! If you’ve got more than a month to spare, you should probably get past that drug test.
Lifestyle changes do work really well, but sometimes you just don’t have the motivation or time to undergo a full life transformation. So, is there a way you can detox without literally turning your life around?
Lucky for you, more than a few companies have taken up that mission and have created a litany of products designed to help you get clean for your upcoming drug test. What kind of product? Most of them, like the detox program from Toxin Rid, come in the form of pills and detox drinks. They’re formulated to do a similar job that the natural detox does, but obviously much quicker. They often come with varied programs, depending on how long of a detox you’re aiming to do.
The Toxin Rid Detox Program is the best you can get online. They come in different program lengths, from a one-day detox, up to the full 10-day detox. The longer you take the program, the more effective the product. I’d say you should only do the one or three day programs if you’re an occasional user. If you’re a frequent smoker looking for a way to get clean, it’s best to pick up the max 10-day program. It’s formulated to give you a full cleanse, guaranteeing that you’ll be free of any toxins, including THC, by the time the 10-day schedule is done.
Toxin Rid is far from the only Detox product on the market. You’re free to check out the other pills and drinks out there, each with their own pros and cons. Most of them function around the same concept of Toxin Rid, flushing out any evidence of THC from your system. At least, it gets rid of enough that your drug test comes out as a big fat negative.
Passing a Urine Test
Let’s face it, sometimes getting clean just isn’t a viable option. You’ve got a drug test coming up and you know for a fact that you will not be clean in time no matter what you do. This is when we start to wade into the world of best synthetic urine kits. It’s a straightforward idea: if there’s evidence in your pee, then give them fake pee. Obviously, you can’t just hand them any liquid resembling urine. These testers know their stuff, and can spot a fake very, very easily. Getting tested positive might mean your job, but getting caught faking might get you arrested.
Because of that, it’s worth investing in a quality synthetic urine product. Quick Fix is currently the best fake pee you can get, and it has a long, storied reputation. This stuff has the same chemical composition as the real thing, and comes with everything you need to keep the pee stored and warm for your tester. In fact, Quick Fix is used by drug test manufacturers to calibrate their machines. That’s how good this stuff is.
You’re probably good if you just need to hand in a sample, but if you need to pee in front of your tester, you may need to go the extra mile. Quick Fix provides belts that hold the pee bag by your leg, discreetly. Products like the Monkey Dong will even ensure that even if someone looks directly at your junk, you’ll still pass. Passing a urine test is then just a matter of following instructions correctly. Do the work well and you’ll be home free.
Passing a Saliva Test
You’re really in luck if you need to pass a saliva test. These tend to be easier to pass than the other kinds of marijuana tests. Their small detection window makes them pretty easy to get past just using natural detox methods. A lot of toothbrushing and water drinking might keep your mouth clean enough if you’re just a first-time or occasional user. But what if you’re a bit more aggressive than that?
If you’re a heavy smoker, chances are the THC-COOH has built up a lot in your mouth. If you want to get clean, you may need some help. Just like with urine tests, there are a variety of products on the market that can help you. Toxin Rid again comes through with their Toxin Rid Mouthwash. This stuff works wonders in getting THC metabolites out of your mouth and down the drain. Just follow the instructions on the bottle and you’ll be fine the next time someone sticks a cotton swab into your mouth.
There are also products like Oral Clear’s Saliva Neutralizing Gum. You chew on it for 30 seconds and then swallow it. Sounds strange, but trust us, it should work just fine. The “gum” is actually a concentrated detoxifying liquid that you can chew and clean out your mouth. It’s a little simpler to use and more inconspicuous than doing a full gargle.
Saliva tests are surrounded by a bunch of myths, like saying you can get rid of THC by eating fatty food, or using hydrogen peroxide as mouthwash. They might sound reasonable at first glance, but they won’t help you much, honestly. If you want to get past a saliva test, you’re better off sticking to the methods we’ve outlined above.
Passing a Hair Follicle Test
You’ve really drawn the short stick if you’ve gotta get through a hair test. The extremely long detection window will catch a regular user even if they haven’t smoked in months. Normal methods like detox drinks or detox pills will have no effect on the THC present in your hair. As we said earlier, the THC finds its way into your hair via blood vessels, and it stays there.
You’ll need a product strong enough to get through the outer layers of hair and reach the THC metabolites in the hair follicle itself. Once again, Toxin Rid shows that they know their stuff. The Toxin Rid Detox Shampoo is an excellent product that will remove everything that’s stuck in your hair, including drug compounds. That being said, Toxin Rid recently reformulated their best hair detox shampoo and it does not do the job like it used to. You’ll need the Old Style Aloe Toxin Rid Shampoo if you want to get results.
Along with Toxin Rid, you can use Zydot Ultra Clean Shampoo to achieve similar results. Whichever product you use, you’ll need to wash your hair regularly with the stuff to make sure you get as much THC out as possible. But even with a product as good as Toxin Rid, you may need to go the extra mile to ensure success. Never fear, methods have been developed to make sure your hair is THC-free.
The Macujo Method is probably the most popular of these methods. It involves a bunch of different products like acetic acid, shampoo, and Old Style Aloe Toxin Rid. It involves running a gamut of applications and washings over three days before your hair follicle test. The procedure must be done a minimum of five times, and it is very hard on the hair and scalp. Sometimes, you gotta suffer for success.
You might be thinking: But what if you shave your whole body? Technically, it works. But there’s nothing more suspicious than shaving off all your hair right before a hair follicle test.
General Tips for Getting Past Drug Tests
While every test has its own methods of passing, all drug tests share some common characteristics and will benefit from some good ol’ general advice. Before we go, we’ll leave you with some tips to staying ahead of the curve.
Make Friends at Work
Know thy enemy, as the saying goes. Make some nice connections around the office, and try figuring out how often drug tests come up. Try to figure out what kind of drug test your company uses. Ask if there’s a set schedule, or if they come up randomly. Be discreet, since it may be too suspicious if a new hire is constantly asking about drug test schedules. If you can, join an organization or union. They’ll often side with you on drug cases.
If you know what you’re up against, you might as well get what you need. Sure, shipping is fast these days, but having the appropriate pills/mouthwash/shampoo at your disposal will give you more time to adequately prepare for any upcoming tests. Know how your products work and buy a couple drug test kits yourself. Knowing if you test positive in advance may help you get clean more efficiently.
Stay Clean! (Not Too Clean)
The more you smoke, the harder it gets to detox. You may benefit from spacing out your usage a little bit. You’ll thank yourself in the long run when you aren’t pushing down pills hoping to God you don’t get caught. It’ll give you some peace of mind even in your sober moments. Stay hydrated, and eat vegetables and lean meat with fiber. It’s good for you anyways.
Don’t fret! Keeping up a harmless drug habit while gainfully employed is more than possible. Stay prepared, stay healthy, and know what you’re up against. Keep up the fight for legalization and maybe someday you won’t need this guide! But until that day comes, you’ll find everything you need right here.